a rocket, some onion dip, and a new t.v.
SON
We’re waiting now,
Any minute,
I’m using a tiny
Toy rocket to fidget
My feet drum a beat
Against the couch
It bothered Dad, before
He’s quiet about it now
***
MOM
I can’t quite tell how I arrived right here
On this long couch, so floral, orange, and green
I recognize the onion dip I made
But the making of it’s foggy, a dream
It’s there on the Cushman coffee table
It’s where I’m sure my hands set it before
My husband dunks a chip but doesn’t look
At me — he hardly sees me anymore
My thoughts drift down the hall, a room unseen
Lost hopes, lost dreams, lost life, behind a door.
***
DAD
I swore I wouldn’t — no way, no how.
“If I didn’t get one to watch Kennedy,
I sure ain’t gonna get one now.”
But last week I saw it, a family, happy
Just a photo, of course, an ad
Probably watching something crappy
And I thought, maybe, it can’t make things worse
Nothing can, when you’ve watched
As your heart leaves in a hearse.
***
SON
It’s happening,
And we can see it!
On our own TV
I can’t believe it
Dad said he’d never,
But look at us now
Eating onion dip and watching
The boob tube from the couch
I’m settled right
Between Mom and Dad
I wish Lucas were here
And I wish we weren’t sad
***
MOM
Levi is here, only inches away
But I might as well be up on the moon
I’m trying, trying, to inch my way back
But I’m heavy, too sad, it’s hard to move
Rocket in his lap and hands at his side
Eyes locked solely on the new T.V. screen
He’s still for once in his fidgety life —
And I’m struck — how close his hand is to me
I’m afraid if I don’t do something soon
I’ll be sucked in and swallowed whole by grief
***
DAD
I didn’t know there’d be so much I can’t fix
When I imagined my life
I never imagined this
In the photo, in the ad, the family were close
They were touching, together
But of course it was posed
Still, maybe, I could try, what would it hurt?
I could try reaching, try touching
I just wish I was sure.
***
SON
He’s on the ladder,
Going down
One last jump
And somehow
He’s there
I’m glued
There’s a man
On the moon
Someone touches
My hand, then pulls away
Then touches again
Squeezes, and stays
And then
At the same time
Another hand grabs mine
On the other side
And Neil says
“One small step for man”
I hold my breath
And squeeze back, both hands
Then we each
Begin to weep,
And Neil says
“One giant leap.”